I know it probs seemed like I was gonna leave you hanging, but I won't! (: It's funny how it's so much harder to find time to get stuff done when you aren't busy! I don't procrastinate, either. Ever. (That's a joke!!!)
Anyways, yes, project is over and finished. It was the fastest, most stretching, most fulfilling, most growing, most lovely summer I've ever experienced in my life. I can't even begin to describe to you all that God did in me and through me. You've had a chance to see along the way, but I am sure I can't even fully grasp the ways God has changed me. People told me coming into project that I would be a different person coming out of the summer. I didn't know if that would be true for me, but I am positive that God has done beautiful things.
I'll tell you about the things that have resonated in my heart the most...
Eternal perspective is something I have gained in huge ways. I've always been aware that our lives are short compared to eternity, but I feel like I've finally realized how the little things don't matter and how much God and people are truly what matters. It won't matter, in the end, if I had all the clothes I wanted or if I got a bad exam score. What will last is how I served God and others, how I loved. I think about this often as I tend to worry so much about insignificant things. I've realized that this is not our home...why would it be if we live here for such a short time compared to where we're going?! So I shouldn't live like these material things matter so much.
A wonderful example of eternal perspective comes to mind when I think about singing You're Beautiful by Phil Wickham during project. During the third verse when we sang "Now You are sitting on your heavenly throne, soon we will be coming home! You're beautiful," everyone's hands went up. I could feel that we were all ecstatic at the thought that soon we would be coming home to be with Jesus. How often to people think that way? I know I don't very often, but once I did, I realized how awesome it will be to get to praise Jesus with all my friends and family who love Him too!!! Such a great thought.
One of the hardest thoughts for me to process is that after an incredible summer together, all 100 of us students won't be together again until we're all in heaven. It's crazy but it's true! It makes me sad, yet I know forever together won't be too bad either. (:
Another thing that has been impressed on me is the satisfaction that Christ offers. Identity in Christ is something I had started to learn about freshman year of college, and this summer God revealed so much more to me. As humans we spend so much of our time chasing after worldly things that can't satisfy us. I have spent so much time throughout my life wondering why I don't feel like I measure up or like I'm good enough. I have thought that if I could excel at something, then people would look at me and see that I have worth. So whether it was with the sports I was in or the grades I got or with my appearance, I continuously sought after perfection in order to prove to people, myself, and to God that I had worth. The thing is, nothing was ever good enough. I was never satisfied, no matter how fast I ran or how close to 100% I got. I wondered why I felt that way, and now I know why.
My good friend Katie gave a message on this during project and it hit home. She explained, "To the murderer, how many victims will ever be enough? To the sex addict, how much sex will ever be enough? To the alcoholic, how many drinks will ever be enough? To the person with poor body image, how skinny or beautiful will ever be enough? To the person with poor self-worth, how much acceptance or praise or attention will ever be enough?" Nothing will ever be enough because only Christ can satisfy. Hearing this made me feel like I could exhale after holding my breath for a very long time. I could stop trying so hard because I'm already Christ's daughter and his beloved! Not to say that I don't struggle with this at all anymore, but my view of this has definitely been changed. I can stop striving after perfection because I am loved for exactly who I am by the One who made everything and planned all my days before one of them came to be.
Overall, this
has been the best summer of my life. I have had a lot of nice summers, but none
like this; none where I committed my way completely to the Lord and let Him use
me how He chose. This definitely hasn't been the easiest summer; after all, it
was still real life. Through the trials that I faced, though, I experienced
God's provision over and over and over again. Whether it was with finding a
job, losing it, and finding another one, or with my Grandpa's death, there was always only
one pair of footprints in the sand. It's hard to believe all that He did in me
and through me this summer, and it's all by His grace! I learned
that God wants to use me like He did this summer every single day in every place
that I'm in. The difference is not that I was on a Cru summer mission project,
the difference is obedience. I opened my ears to what He desired for me this
summer and obeyed what He told me to do. Because of that small amount of faith,
He used me for incredible purposes. After seeing all He did through me I can
only stand in amazement at the realization I have come to; I have seen a beautiful
picture of what God does when we takes steps of faith, and now I have the
choice whether or not to live this way for the rest of my life.
Thank you so
very much to everyone who read my blogs this summer. It so encouraged me to
look and see that people had been reading it. (: I am planning on keeping the
blog up, so if you ever would like to read
again I will post on here to document the craziness of life.
I hope that
every one of you has a blessed rest of your summer. Thank you from the bottom
of my heart to everyone who supported me financially and through prayer. You
are all wonderful!
"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his
life as a ransom for many." -Mark 10:45
