SO. After three years and $40,000+ in tuition money, it seems an appropriate time to look back and try to figure out what the heck I've learned so far.
It is true that I don't remember much from my freshman sociology class, but it is so evident to me that I've learned an insane amount about myself as a person and about life. To people who don't see the value of college, I would have to say that this period of life is unlike any other; the ways a person grows and their character deepens are irreplaceable. Comparing myself to three years ago, I am completely changed.
So, what have I learned, then?
**THERE IS NO PERFECT STAGE OF LIFE**
As many of my fellow ladies would understand, I came into college with an ideal plan: start classes, join a Christian org., make friends, meet a guy, graduate, get married, be happy! Gosh. I don't know what I was thinking. While this may be the case for some people, for the majority of us it's just not. As each semester of college went by, I struggled with the fact that things weren't going according to my plan at all; I was single...still (there must be something wrong with me, right? Wrong.) It has taken me three years to realize that it is 100% possible to be joyful right where I'm at!
While yes, I'm excited to be married someday, I've come to find out that there is no magical passage to happiness in life. There are struggles and joys in EVERY season, and no one is better than the other. For example, as much as I've thought singleness meant loneliness and that I was way behind, it actually means something totally different.
Being single I am only responsible for myself -I don't have to prioritize another person or give up my plans to include another. I can stuff my french fries in my face in my car by myself at midnight on a Monday if I want to (this actually will probably never change). I can go a couple days without showering and bank on the fact that my friends have to love me no matter how bad I look/smell. I can take spontaneous weekend adventures or go to Africa if I want to (holla!). There's just so much freedom, and that's an amazing blessing unique to this time of my life. I'm totally excited for other stages of life, but I've so realized that I need to appreciate the good things about where I'm at, because they are things I'll wish I'd cherished later on when I don't have them.
Another lesson: ** I DON'T HAVE TO STRIVE FOR AN IDEAL ABBIE**
...just so people will like me or so I can look the most attractive possible so I might be good enough for the best guy I've ever met so far. So false. I've struggled hardcore with thinking that I'm not good enough; not skinny enough, not pretty enough, grades aren't good enough, clothes aren't good enough, talents aren't talenty enough, etc. I look back to my freshman self and I just want to lovingly shake her and be like, "YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH JUST HOW YOU ARE! STOP WORRYING; YOU'RE PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL ALREADY!" Because seriously, it took my till the middle of my sophomore year to FINALLY be confident in the person I am. It shocked me that so many people thought I was totally confident in myself, because every second before that I was doubting myself and pushing away every compliment or affirmation that came my way. Then finally, finally, I realized that I was already complete. Yes, I could/can always make improvements in myself, but that's going to be the case my whole life.
The truth is, I am enough because Jesus has declared me to be so. I am His masterpiece; that implies I can't be any better than I am. This was definitely the most life and perspective-altering lesson I've learned, and it's allowed me to be so much freer in who I am.
Also, **I AM RIGHT WHERE GOD WANTS ME WHEN I'M RIGHT HERE**
As I mentioned above, I thought that the fact that I was still single meant I was doing things wrong. I should have remembered, though, that when God doesn't want me in a place, he'll let me know. In the past when I've tried to pursue things that were wrong, I was so convicted that I couldn't help but to change. I KNEW I was going against God's plan, and there was no way that was worth it.
I have come to understand that God's plan for me was written before I was even born (Psalm 139:16), that I can't do anything to change it, and that it's totally perfect how it is. I serve an infinite God capable of EVERYTHING. It is so silly to think that I'M messing things up and that it's even possible for me to screw things over for myself. Moral of the story: God has carefully placed me where he's wanted me in college (Eau Claire, Stout, in the dorms, off-campus, in Apparel, in HDFS, etc) and that, since I have been following His plan, my life has flowed like a gorgeous symphony in His ears. God is faithful: He has total control over my life and will continue to reveal where He wants me every step of the way. Regardless of whether or not my own hopes and dreams are fulfilled, I can trust that what He has for me is because He's looking at my life from a mountaintop, unlike the valley I walk in.
So here's to the future -it's terrifying, but it's oh, so certainly going to beautiful.
